However, I remember meeting my DB in a dream/vision when I was in college and once he materialized in my bed during a vibrational energy burst of K. So why am I even confused? Why do I even doubt his existence? It is so strange that I have these experiences and then after they happen my conscious mind (Ego) tells me that it couldn't have happened and even if it did it means nothing.
Now I have been experiencing myself being made love to by something. It seems to happen a lot, and yet after it happens, I can't believe that it happened. I always ground myself before I allow anything to happen, because I don't want some entity to masquerade as my DB. I guess one of the strange things is that I can receive the sexual form of love flowing through me from "something" but have a really hard time feeling/accepting love through my heart, although in the last day or so I have felt love rising up through my heart region on a couple of occasions.
I guess I just don't want to go crazy and imagine something like my Divine Beloved who isn't "real" and then lose all touch with reality...Even as I write this another part of me is asking what reality really is. I have this dialogue going on in my head.
Is the sensation of being made love to possibly the energy of K rising up through my lower chakras? How would I tell the difference between this and an encounter with DB? IS there a difference?
I have struggled with even committing to posting these questions since part of me feels that I already know the answer, but another part of me doesn't.
Yikes!
Elizabeth (Monquie)
This post made me giggle. Thanks! It is a good day to wrestle eternal mysteries, eh? Heh... you want Goddess all neatly packed up in a box? Goddess would not be Goddess, if you could do that.
: I am confused about something, but I guess what I really am confused about is what is "real" and what is not real. Mystress Angelique describes the Divine Beloved as a "paradigm" which to me means that it is a construct and not, therefore, real. (Then another part of my mind tells me that none of this life is real in the way that I mean.)
Right. And. The part of you that says this, that all of life is a construct, is your Divine Beloved. He is outside of the construct we call ego based reality, so he oughta know!
: However, I remember meeting my DB in a dream/vision when I was in college and once he materialized in my bed during a vibrational energy burst of K. So why am I even confused? Why do I even doubt his existence? It is so strange that I have these experiences and then after they happen my conscious mind (Ego) tells me that it couldn't have happened and even if it did it means nothing.
LOL!! Darn conscious mind! :)
: Now I have been experiencing myself being made love to by something. It seems to happen a lot, and yet after it happens, I can't believe that it happened. I always ground myself before I allow anything to happen, because I don't want some entity to masquerade as my DB. I guess one of the strange things is that I can receive the sexual form of love flowing through me from "something" but have a really hard time feeling/accepting love through my heart, although in the last day or so I have felt love rising up through my heart region on a couple of occasions.
Kewl!
: I guess I just don't want to go crazy and imagine something like my Divine Beloved who isn't "real" and then lose all touch with reality... Even as I write this another part of me is asking what reality really is.
Yup, I heard it too. That is your Divine Beloved, telling you that. It is telling you the truth.
Crazy? Do you think the infant science of psychiatry which would define you, has clue about what goes on in the mind of an enlightened being? Heh... we are all crazy, but in a good way!
Fear of insanity is common with awakening, and you just have to surrender it. Worrying if you are crazy, can make you crazy. I decided the answer to the question "Am I crazy?" is, "Yes"... that way I could just get over it, and get on with life.
Sheesh, if a shrink got ahold of my head, who knows what kind of labels they would come up with? Yet... I am the happiest, most fulfulled person I know. If this is crazy, give me more!!! :)
If Goddess wanted you crazy, then you would be crazy. It is a pretty good guess that you were already crazy with the normal madness of western civilization, (Watched the news, lately?) and She is making you sane.
: I have this dialogue going on in my head.
Good that your DB speaks to you so clearly. Sounds like the relationship is coming along very nicely!
: Is the sensation of being made love to possibly the energy of K rising up through my lower chakras? How would I tell the difference between this and an encounter with DB? IS there a difference?
Heh... would it make a difference if there was a difference? What measuring stick do you want to use? Kundalini is Goddess, and Goddess has a personal relationship with you, via the manifestation of the Divine Beloved. No separation.
: I have struggled with even committing to posting these questions since part of me feels that I already know the answer, but another part of me doesn't.
The part that knows, is your DB.
Ya don't have to take my word for it, ask him! He is right there in your head, talking to you all day long. You are blessed!
Thanks for posting!
: Yikes!
: Elizabeth (Monquie)