The Tea Room

  When the ego-gender gets switched, usually it means that there is another ego hidden inside the psyche. I do not know if it was your K. awakening that caused the original little boy Sinisa ego to hide, or not... but as you have mentioned it, it is likely that it is little Sinisa inside of you that is reacting like this to people having sex... and you have to find him and love him.

  It is a little hard to explain. I will tell you a story, and you can feel if the story is true for you. Remember little Sinisa, age 7... being aware of his parents making love, and getting awakened as a result. K. awakening in one so young could be traumatic, perhaps he saw the tunnel of light and jumped through it, and did not come back, or did not want to come back and so refused to re-engage reality. He hid in the dream world, in your unconscious and so your DB made a womans ego to take his place, and "do life"... and the DB itself switched genders. The result, the gender switch. You wanting to cross-dress, and your DB showing up male.

 Little sinisa is still inside of you, and still flipping out to see people having sex. You need to find him and love him, not sexually, but like a son... and then send him to Goddess to be integrated. He might not want to go, so you will have to be very patient and loving, and take your time to get to know him. Weeks or months or as much time as he needs.  He might not even show up as a little boy.. I worked with one person whose inner little girl took the form of a shy fox. She was one of my slaves, a lesbian who always dressed like a boy, it took me six months to get her into wearing a dress! She had no memories of her childhood prior to age 12, when the switch took place. After we sent the little fox into the light, she became more accepting of being female, and open to loving men, especially my slave -husband driud, who is a cross dresser and very fem in some ways. It is not like she was going to go looking for a boyfriend, but she became much more accepting of men.

 The key is meditation and imagination. Imagine little sinisa standing before you, talk to him. Remember, he probably experiences himself as being separate from you. You cannot force him to do anything, or he will hide again.

 It is also possible that the male you are experiencing as the DB is him, all grown up, and his desire for sex with you is a desire to re-unify. Usually the splinter-child is separate from the DB, but as he grew up, so to speak, in your unconscious, he may know your DB better than you do!

 I do not think you are gay, but I do find that K. tends to make people bisexual. It just erodes the hangups about it. Love does not make distinctions about gender.

  Best to try to let go of your resistance to a male DB.. after all, before Goddess we are all fem-receptive... and I will give you a clue about the graduation ritual... we are all female for that! Receptive to being penetrated by the Divine. When you feel the Shakti moving up your spine, is it not like Goddess is penetrating you?

 Take your time, be gentle with yourself. Let me know how it goes. Blessings!