Hello to everyone here. I have recently started exploring Mystress's scripts and video lessons. I know her site and I have explored it many times during the last 6 years seeking for clarity through out the unknown but more conscious awakening in my life. I will not talk here about my spiritual experiences from the perspective of the awakening and its unfolding until today, I will might do this in the testimonials' page later sometime.
But I feel that I would like to roughly introduce HWW's human journey and spotlight randomly some events of my life so far. I have not narrated and exposed my life's story like this nowhere else,except from my recent partner who happens to be a member of this team for many years now.
I am a female 33 years old.
At the age of three I started in gymnastics, after a short period of play and silliness with other girls the trainers chose three tiny girls,including myself to train them for the Olympics. It seemed to be a big deal back then for my family and relatives. Even though my parents was not so sure about it, they tried to ask me and make sure that I wanted to. I was growing through pain and not in a so clear and intuitive way many times while I was being trained. The training was daily for 4-5 hours with parent's not allowed to be present. Gymnastics was my curse and my gift. Gift appeared to be later for the rest of my life until today. I could say that gymnastics lack of conscious spirituality, at least in the way I experienced it but can create a very young yogini, if the seed already exists in the person. I wanted to stop many times but never expressed it back then, because I was receiving adults' excitement and I was the center of the attention in many cases. But I blamed my mother in me, when I grew I saw that I was expecting from her to had tuned more with me and in a way had supported me more or even protected me. I must admit that it was many times a very cruel experience. They were braking the fear and sometimes the physical limits too instantly when they arisen, giving no space for any preparation. After my kundalini experience I saw all the gifts that I have taken through my training. For a girl I had reached a state that I was walking consciously through my fears and exploring life to what was not so commonly seen and experienced from sane girls in my country, I had not stable joiners into my experiences, I was getting alone into new circles, groups and experiences.
This led me to my first meeting with the hallucinogens and my first and last darkest and dangerous journey in the world of the spirits. Lasted two days, a tiny drop of LSD was enough to open this world for me, this other reality was the only reality I was able to experience and I had to get out of it alive and sane. The rest of the people who were older and very used to the substance they did not know how to deal with my situation, their journeys and from what they have seen, my case was a new experience for them as well. It was the first time at the age of 17 that I had to surrender deeply and be ready to die. I had no other choice. I did it again for quite a few times,but never got addicted, I kind of had to, at first, so that I would brake any remaining fear of my first experience and make it more conscious. My willingness for conscious death had already happened the first time, none of the next experiences were comparing to the first one. I had done with this.
I went in the university, in a small town. I was a loner but I had detected my girl mate, which we went through amazing moments together. There, I dealt with my first attack from a male predator and town's chief's son. He had not hesitated to send women and men in the hospital. I simply refused to join him and ride his motorcycle when he was drunk. So he tried to strangle me, I am writing about this now and I laugh,because until today I do not know if he did not succeed consciously or I was simply lucky. The whole time I was in total non resistance. Maybe because of this I survived from the sudden strangling technique. My body's muscles had became so soft that allowed the head to turn more than the usual. I stayed still and fearless in the ground, so I was lifted afterwards to end up hanging above a cliff , while he was holding me and shaking me , ready to drop me and screaming '' What are you?''. He let me be and he was asking for my friendship,later on he wanted to become my life's partner and create a family with me. None of this happened, even though I loved him for what he was truly beyond his shadows. During my university years I was travelling a lot backpacking, in self-organised trips. The destinations were more wild , Peru, Venezuela, Egypt and the experiences were wild as well.
I have done many different jobs after my studies. I was in the Human Resources Management, I have been trained as a flight attendant and have worked as such, I was a carpenter, a waitress, a tour guide and always an artist.
I was not having a stable job for more than a year. Not even had a house of my own, except from once and this lasted for 6 months. I was contributing to other's places and co-living with them. The last 1,5 year I am experiencing and have committed myself into a conscious co-creation , growth and more stable living with my mate. Not always easy to do so, but I am glad that we have succeeded so far and we are having blissful times with ongoing conscious growth.
After university I had joined actively anarchism,and I had deposit a lot of anger >:( in street rallies and not only in the streets. :) After the kundalini event, I went higher from the common limited philosophy of anarchism. There are still many inspiring souls in this circles as in everything in this world but I have been transformed from this state too.
Then my kundalini experience came and I was looking for people that would understand and would be in a similar situation. I joined a spiritual collective, we were living in white rooms with no furnitures and electric machines. We were bathing all year long with cold water and we were raw vegans. The truth is that before I met this group the awakening had naturally led me into the rawfoodism, thing that I did not know back then that had started to become popular and a kind of fashion. The people there they were very determined to stick into this, no matter what. It appeared that my growth could not stick with these mind rules. We were three who were leaving together in two different rooms in a big industrial building. The two others' were a couple. One day I was literally being grabbed from the hand and I ended up being in a circle of 6 and an elder guy seating opposite us. I had no clue, what they were doing there, what I was supposed to do ???...I was kind and smiley and joined the new ride. It appeared that this man who, he was claiming that he was not a guru, was there to give us answers. We were allowed to only ask questions, no opinions,no suggestions,no sharing. Ask questions and listen to what he had to say for sometimes more than 3 hours. I had no questions and I had no questions for a very long time and this was not good. He became frustrated and in a way I had been forced to find something to ask. I wanted to know what had happened to me ( with the kundalini) , but in order to do so I had to speak, and this was not considered as a question so he became frustrated again and I started to deal with the most severe pain in my ovaries.
I had started to feel very frustrated, not just because I was not allowed to speak, but because I had to deposit all of my energy and attention to a not so pleasant data. I was struggling to truly absorb any useful and inspiring info of his sayings and it was strange because this period of my life, the awakening was very recent and when I met them I was in a total openness. I stayed with this collective for a year. It became an obligation at least twice a week to meet with the rest in this energetic meeting. This man, invited me privately one day, trying to recover any misunderstanding between us. He expressed his admiration for me as a woman and he approached me in a more direct and sexual way. Before him I had explored quite enough and not so conventionally the sexual connection with my partners. But in this case I was numb.. I can say that I was energetically numb and kind of in a frozen and hypnotized mode. We were not able to do much, he was struggling from long lasting non erection. I was not the only one who was kind of hypnotised and numb and even under fear in this cycle. All of them, women and men were like this. One day, he gave us a paper with a version of new 10 commandments and asked us to put it on our rooms' wall and have it as a prayer. I read it, and nodded with my eyebrows and my head no. I said that I find no inspiration in this paper and I cannot not put it on my wall. He got surprised :o and furious, almost violent. He asked me to leave and so I did. He took it back and tried to reach me by screaming and threatening me. I left the collective and all of them. After this I learned that the rest left this cycle too which they were going through this for more than 4 years. I left the collective and all of them and went through a year of kidneys and ovaries severe pain and immobilization in bed.
Have been two years since then and seems :-\ that I have left almost completely behind those physical issues.
I joined here consciously because I have reached a point that seeks from me to go higher. I have grown immensely in my inner peace, clarity and understanding, love and compassion but still there are some moments through specific kind of events and people's behavior that I become overwhelmed and I can act compulsively in a beasty way, so that my nervous system have to take it all in, in order to not harm the other. The last time that this happened was last summer. Behavior and outbursts like this have happened many times during my life with men. The kind of the fearful non direct energy that constantly seeks something from someone but has not grow the courage to ask directly, people like this end up in my life through my friends' heritage or even as my collages. This is one aspect that seeks from me to grow my inner power of peace and instant resolution when I attract similar vibrations and unconsciously grow the overwhelming in me. I am able to see through the data mostly in all people, I see the adorable child that all are but when situations like this appear, is the moment that I have to find the inner strength to go beyond my compulsive tendency. Why? Because I have caught myself to hide and try to avoid cases like this , not to get into troubles. But this is simply impossible unless I clear it once and for all in me.
The other reason I came here is because the constant and fast changes and transformations in my life force me to raise even more the courage and the peace to stand for myself , in matters that I cannot justify, in matters that seem to be unethical for new spiritual limited tendencies as the group I was in and many others that arise around the globe. It is time for me to grow and even stabilize the peace and be faithful to my inner voice no matter which government goes up, no matter what is the new tendency of collective ethics, no matter which vibration and how many they are coming into my awareness and unawareness. It is my own responsibility and my every day practise but now it asks for a more radical change and maybe seeks for something that I do not know yet how to do it. Life has been long ago a walk in a thin rope but I am fine, I have survived and grew immensely so far and I am always ready sooner or a bit later to do what it takes for a more stable peace and a wider understanding no matter what.
I am also a very sweet and tiny (huge) woman, which have taken her life's lessons in a very beneficial perspective and she have loved them deeply. :)
Thank you all .
Hello to everyone here. I have recently started exploring Mystress's scripts and video lessons. I know her site and I have explored it many times during the last 6 years seeking for clarity through out the unknown but more conscious awakening in my life. I will not talk here about my spiritual experiences from the perspective of the awakening and its unfolding until today, I will might do this in the testimonials' page later sometime.
But I feel that I would like to roughly introduce HWW's human journey and spotlight randomly some events of my life so far. I have not narrated and exposed my life's story like this nowhere else,except from my recent partner who happens to be a member of this team for many years now.
I am a female 33 years old.
At the age of three I started in gymnastics, after a short period of play and silliness with other girls the trainers chose three tiny girls,including myself to train them for the Olympics. It seemed to be a big deal back then for my family and relatives. Even though my parents was not so sure about it, they tried to ask me and make sure that I wanted to. I was growing through pain and not in a so clear and intuitive way many times while I was being trained. The training was daily for 4-5 hours with parent's not allowed to be present. Gymnastics was my curse and my gift. Gift appeared to be later for the rest of my life until today. I could say that gymnastics lack of conscious spirituality, at least in the way I experienced it but can create a very young yogini, if the seed already exists in the person. I wanted to stop many times but never expressed it back then, because I was receiving adults' excitement and I was the center of the attention in many cases. But I blamed my mother in me, when I grew I saw that I was expecting from her to had tuned more with me and in a way had supported me more or even protected me. I must admit that it was many times a very cruel experience. They were braking the fear and sometimes the physical limits too instantly when they arisen, giving no space for any preparation. After my kundalini experience I saw all the gifts that I have taken through my training. For a girl I had reached a state that I was walking consciously through my fears and exploring life to what was not so commonly seen and experienced from sane girls in my country, I had not stable joiners into my experiences, I was getting alone into new circles, groups and experiences.
This led me to my first meeting with the hallucinogens and my first and last darkest and dangerous journey in the world of the spirits. Lasted two days, a tiny drop of LSD was enough to open this world for me, this other reality was the only reality I was able to experience and I had to get out of it alive and sane. The rest of the people who were older and very used to the substance they did not know how to deal with my situation, their journeys and from what they have seen, my case was a new experience for them as well. It was the first time at the age of 17 that I had to surrender deeply and be ready to die. I had no other choice. I did it again for quite a few times,but never got addicted, I kind of had to, at first, so that I would brake any remaining fear of my first experience and make it more conscious. My willingness for conscious death had already happened the first time, none of the next experiences were comparing to the first one. I had done with this.
I went in the university, in a small town. I was a loner but I had detected my girl mate, which we went through amazing moments together. There, I dealt with my first attack from a male predator and town's chief's son. He had not hesitated to send women and men in the hospital. I simply refused to join him and ride his motorcycle when he was drunk. So he tried to strangle me, I am writing about this now and I laugh,because until today I do not know if he did not succeed consciously or I was simply lucky. The whole time I was in total non resistance. Maybe because of this I survived from the sudden strangling technique. My body's muscles had became so soft that allowed the head to turn more than the usual. I stayed still and fearless in the ground, so I was lifted afterwards to end up hanging above a cliff , while he was holding me and shaking me , ready to drop me and screaming '' What are you?''. He let me be and he was asking for my friendship,later on he wanted to become my life's partner and create a family with me. None of this happened, even though I loved him for what he was truly beyond his shadows. During my university years I was travelling a lot backpacking, in self-organised trips. The destinations were more wild , Peru, Venezuela, Egypt and the experiences were wild as well.
I have done many different jobs after my studies. I was in the Human Resources Management, I have been trained as a flight attendant and have worked as such, I was a carpenter, a waitress, a tour guide and always an artist.
I was not having a stable job for more than a year. Not even had a house of my own, except from once and this lasted for 6 months. I was contributing to other's places and co-living with them. The last 1,5 year I am experiencing and have committed myself into a conscious co-creation , growth and more stable living with my mate. Not always easy to do so, but I am glad that we have succeeded so far and we are having blissful times with ongoing conscious growth.
After university I had joined actively anarchism,and I had deposit a lot of anger >:( in street rallies and not only in the streets. :) After the kundalini event, I went higher from the common limited philosophy of anarchism. There are still many inspiring souls in this circles as in everything in this world but I have been transformed from this state too.
Then my kundalini experience came and I was looking for people that would understand and would be in a similar situation. I joined a spiritual collective, we were living in white rooms with no furnitures and electric machines. We were bathing all year long with cold water and we were raw vegans. The truth is that before I met this group the awakening had naturally led me into the rawfoodism, thing that I did not know back then that had started to become popular and a kind of fashion. The people there they were very determined to stick into this, no matter what. It appeared that my growth could not stick with these mind rules. We were three who were leaving together in two different rooms in a big industrial building. The two others' were a couple. One day I was literally being grabbed from the hand and I ended up being in a circle of 6 and an elder guy seating opposite us. I had no clue, what they were doing there, what I was supposed to do ???...I was kind and smiley and joined the new ride. It appeared that this man who, he was claiming that he was not a guru, was there to give us answers. We were allowed to only ask questions, no opinions,no suggestions,no sharing. Ask questions and listen to what he had to say for sometimes more than 3 hours. I had no questions and I had no questions for a very long time and this was not good. He became frustrated and in a way I had been forced to find something to ask. I wanted to know what had happened to me ( with the kundalini) , but in order to do so I had to speak, and this was not considered as a question so he became frustrated again and I started to deal with the most severe pain in my ovaries.
I had started to feel very frustrated, not just because I was not allowed to speak, but because I had to deposit all of my energy and attention to a not so pleasant data. I was struggling to truly absorb any useful and inspiring info of his sayings and it was strange because this period of my life, the awakening was very recent and when I met them I was in a total openness. I stayed with this collective for a year. It became an obligation at least twice a week to meet with the rest in this energetic meeting. This man, invited me privately one day, trying to recover any misunderstanding between us. He expressed his admiration for me as a woman and he approached me in a more direct and sexual way. Before him I had explored quite enough and not so conventionally the sexual connection with my partners. But in this case I was numb.. I can say that I was energetically numb and kind of in a frozen and hypnotized mode. We were not able to do much, he was struggling from long lasting non erection. I was not the only one who was kind of hypnotised and numb and even under fear in this cycle. All of them, women and men were like this. One day, he gave us a paper with a version of new 10 commandments and asked us to put it on our rooms' wall and have it as a prayer. I read it, and nodded with my eyebrows and my head no. I said that I find no inspiration in this paper and I cannot not put it on my wall. He got surprised :o and furious, almost violent. He asked me to leave and so I did. He took it back and tried to reach me by screaming and threatening me. I left the collective and all of them. After this I learned that the rest left this cycle too which they were going through this for more than 4 years. I left the collective and all of them and went through a year of kidneys and ovaries severe pain and immobilization in bed.
Have been two years since then and seems :-\ that I have left almost completely behind those physical issues.
I joined here consciously because I have reached a point that seeks from me to go higher. I have grown immensely in my inner peace, clarity and understanding, love and compassion but still there are some moments through specific kind of events and people's behavior that I become overwhelmed and I can act compulsively in a beasty way, so that my nervous system have to take it all in, in order to not harm the other. The last time that this happened was last summer. Behavior and outbursts like this have happened many times during my life with men. The kind of the fearful non direct energy that constantly seeks something from someone but has not grow the courage to ask directly, people like this end up in my life through my friends' heritage or even as my collages. This is one aspect that seeks from me to grow my inner power of peace and instant resolution when I attract similar vibrations and unconsciously grow the overwhelming in me. I am able to see through the data mostly in all people, I see the adorable child that all are but when situations like this appear, is the moment that I have to find the inner strength to go beyond my compulsive tendency. I have caught myself to hide and try to avoid cases like this , not to get into troubles. But this is simply impossible unless I clear it once and for all in me.
The other reason I came here is because the constant and fast changes and transformations in my life force me to raise even more the courage and the peace to stand for myself , in matters that I cannot justify, in matters that seem to be unethical for new spiritual limited tendencies as the group I was in and many others that arise around the globe. It is time for me to grow and even stabilize the peace and be faithful to my inner voice no matter which government goes up, no matter what is the new tendency of collective ethics, no matter which vibration and how many they are coming into my awareness and unawareness. It is my own responsibility and my every day practise but now it asks for a more radical change and maybe seeks for something that I do not know yet how to do it. Life has been long ago a walk in a thin rope but I am fine, I have survived and grew immensely so far and I am always ready sooner or a bit later to do what it takes for a more stable peace and a wider understanding no matter what.
I am also a very sweet and tiny (huge) woman, which have taken her life's lessons in a very beneficial perspective and she have loved them deeply. :)
Thank you all .
[/quote]
Thank you, HWW, for your deep and personal sharing. You've been through quite a lot and haven't always been supported in your devotion and unfolding.
You'll find a lot to chew on in the lessons and I believe you'll be pleasantly surprised and uplifted.
All the best to you, in manageable ways of course.
Thank you Sigmund.
All the best to you too.