Nights have become quite eventful over the past few weeks. Last night, during a dream, I suddenly found myself transported into a golden light, with what looked like tailed chi-particles percolating throughout it. I then perceived violet energies before encountering some kind of intelligence. It was very psychedelic looking and feeling. I asked “who are you,†and instantly it responded “I am you.†I haven't a clue what this experience was all about, but it was beyond awesome (smiling and moving on)...
I suspect the grounding may have something to do with the things that are occurring. It took a while for me to feel the effects of the visualization in the body; but by the second day, after a full day spent in a stressful work environment, I realized that I was completely calm and content. From then on, when I practiced the visualization, I felt the tingles in the feet; now when I do it, the tingles seem to be everywhere. The first time I ever did the grounding was years ago, and it was a powerful experience where I felt and saw a vivid image of a flower on the top of my head; this only happened the first time I did it.
It has been a journey so far in that every day, I feel a bit calmer and more clear. The familiar feelings of fear and dread come up sometimes, but more often I find myself in peace. During the first few times grounding, when I’d bring the light into my torso, I’d feel muscular tension in my navel and solar-plexus chakras. This would then become a sudden, jerking kriya where my torso would quickly straighten itself out. This still happens sometimes after performing the visualization. The kriya is blissful to just flow with. For years I've alternated between periods of incredible bliss and deep existential pain and recently, the pain was becoming nearly unbearable. Inner-guidance kept nudging me to come here. So far the grounding has smoothed this out, providing refreshing peace of mind, energy, openness and a zest for life I haven't felt since I was a kid. I'm excited to see where this leads.
I am so very thankful for this space and for this wonderful meditation!
...And now, I find that I'm noticing things that unground me.
One of the insights I had recently is how, in trying to grow and develop myself spiritually, I fell into a trap of trying to be a "good spiritual person." It was, from what I can tell, my ego working on itself, striving to be a "better" ego by its own standards. I didn't realize it at all when I was in it. One thing I've learned over the past year is the value of acknowledging that, on some level, it is likely that I'm caught in tunnels of self-deception. Recently, a life event occurred perfectly to snap me out of some strange mental morass I was caught in; I came out of it lighter and more mature, feeling my higher aspects smiling on me near the end. "I am not who I thought I was." I found humility, became less and for the following week, it was wonderfully warm and blissful. I feel more such tunnels remain, and some small part of me has been fearful that it will require another whip of the cane to shed it away. Just more resistance I suppose--I wouldn't have traded the whips for anything, in hindsight.
I feel like another trap I've fallen into is performing the grounding in an attempt to resist the very things that unground me, if that makes sense. For example, if I respond in a "negative" way in a situation, I find myself falling into self-judgement and resistance almost automatically (good spiritual person syndrome); I suppose these are the very habits the grounding is seeking to reverse. I feel like some things have been clearing since I started, moving upwards. The main themes and tendencies within me seem to have become magnified though through recent events in my external reality--self-judgement, depressive episodes. They do seem more hollow now though.
Today at work I found myself in a strange mental tunnel and became aware, bringing myself back into the body, which helped alleviate the pain caused by the thoughts. Before that I caught myself grounding in an attempt to "make it go away." Resistance? I think so. I suppose more insights will come with time, but for now, this seems to be the narrow thread I'm trying to walk on. Grounding, not resisting anything that comes up, remaining open to insights and having faith in where I am.
I have said before, and you are discovering... the Grounding, is a spiritual path, all by itself. Connecting to source, to peace, the energy gently cleanses and evolves you... and the experience of it evolves also.
You wrote: For example, if I respond in a "negative" way in a situation, I find myself falling into self-judgement and resistance almost automatically (good spiritual person syndrome); I suppose these are the very habits the grounding is seeking to reverse. I feel like some things have been clearing since I started, moving upwards. The main themes and tendencies within me seem to have become magnified though through recent events in my external reality--self-judgement, depressive episodes. They do seem more hollow now though.
That is the key, the upward movement. Grounding triggers karma noise, it passes through the mind on its way out the crown. You don't have to do anything but give it the green light to keep on moving up, letting it go. A thought of surrender, "Goddess take that... etc... thank you."
Grounding and surrender, surrender what un-grounds you.
Everybody has some garbage thoughts that are just odd stray noise floating up and out. Some of it can be ridiculous and awful, but adding a lot of judgments onto it just slows it down, makes it bigger.
I will give you an embarrassing example. Canada has a new Prime Minister, (sexiest politician in the world https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFu8TuKG8ME (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFu8TuKG8ME)) and he's chosen a new Minister of National Defense who is awesome, a brilliant choice. He is a decorated war hero, "awarded several military honours, including the Meritorious Service Medal in 2013 for reducing the Taliban's influence in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan, and a Canadian Peacekeeping Service Medal. " ... and Sikh.
harjit-sajjan-badass-canada-defence-minister (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/harjit-sajjan-badass-canada-defence-minister-1.3304931)
Ya know what thought floated into my head when I saw him on TV walking with the Prime Minister? Rag head. WTF?? LOL. That is what my 9 years older, redneck brother called brown guys in turbans when I was a kid in the 70s. Mom scolded him for it. He probably still calls them that, I would not be at all surprised... I don't think I have ever used that word, in my life! For me, it is just a stray fragment of my childhood, growing up in a very white place, floating up on its way out, and I can laugh at it and wave it bye bye "happy trails" as it makes its exit.
"Because its 2015..." not 1973. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxWL-ksZE4s) [/url]
I feel I'm starting to get this more now and all I can think to myself is, "it all seemed so serious." Makes me laugh. Grounding religiously... :)