Does anyone have any stories or suggestions on kicking in active surrender? No matter how hard I effort to let go (which I know that's the paradox... efforting doesn't work) things just aren't working out. I keep getting synchronicities that I need to move to a certain part of the country, but I have no means to go and am stuck here in this city of ****. The family I have left wants me to stay here... they have the means to help me get where I need to be but that's of no avail.
Or as a different example of something that needs to be surrendered... I have an appointment for a Tummo initiation tomorrow and the maintenance staff at my apartment has been by 3+ times to fix something and doesn't give any notice, and they will probably show up tomorrow unannounced. Ideally I would "surrender" this situation to the divine when I do nothing ever happens.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this or is surrender just something that changes your internal state. I've yet to see it really transform the outer part of ones life.
Dear Melodicvibrations,
I made the experience that the let go and get Goddess handle it, does not mean you do not do anything. It's like leaving the car open with keys and wonder why it disappeared.
I like to take the practical approach: For instance you can put a note on the door of your apartment like "Under no circumstances distrub me - Tantra Sex in progress" or "Do not open or knock on this door - you will wake the baby"... block it with a chair.
I know it sounds a bit funny, but for me surrendering means also- Goddess gives you the tools, shows you the way to get through - but you have to walk. But I might be completly wrong - I am in second lesson of the FST ;)
hope it was a help to you - all the best and have wonderful day
Ernst
PS: I am so grateful for my Serpent Fire Tummo initiation - it changes my life.
Thanks for your reply. In looking at what I wrote, most of it was just me venting garbage. My real frustration is trying to get back into life, the only thing that I can accurately describe of what stage of transformation I am in is what some of these spiritual teachers have called "the diminishment of personal will". Most of my old ego desires (clothes, women, playing out with the band) etc have diminished and I spend most of my time in my inner world, which for me is a huge change as I am someone who used to be out and active every day/night of the week. The hardest part is family accusing of of being lazy/not caring about anything.
My best wishes for you and have a wonderful day
Ernst :)
Same to you 8)
I read this this morning and wanted to share it, RIP El Collie (I am sure she is with us in spirit now
One of the earliest lessons that came to me in my Kundalini awakening was to honor my own process. I quickly learned that my old habits and preconceptions wouldn't carry me through this. In many ways, transformation was returning me to a state of infancy. I had to learn about myself and my world anew. Small wonder this is called rebirth.
No longer can I afford to ignore internal messages as I did for most of my life. When I am hungry, I must eat. When I'm tired, I need to rest. These things seem obvious enough but for me, living as I did in my head rather than my body, they are revelations. Before, I did these things robotically, on schedule. Or worse, I'd be so caught up in my obsessions that I'd tune out my body altogether. I mindlessly shoveled in food for fuel and would go to bed only on the brink of exhaustion. But no more. Now, with such roaring energy in my body, my inner balance is much more fragile. If I don't pay attention to basic needs, I instantly "pay" with sickness, physical collapse, and emotional explosions.
I've stopped taking anything for granted. I have an acute awareness of the transience of everything in this world. Looking back over my life, I see that everything I thought would never happen to me -- good as well as bad -- has happened and is happening. As I am opened to expanding levels of psychic sensitivity, my way of relating to everyone and everything around me keeps changing. The unpredictable nature of the Kundalini process prevents me from making any definite plans or holding onto absolutes. All I can hold to is my intentions, and I hold them lightly, very lightly.
My sense of myself as "doer" is vanishing. I.e., I proceed as if I know what I'm doing, all the while fully aware that I have no idea what is really happening. I am a vehicle for powers beyond my human comprehension; life "does" itself through me. I feel like a leaf in the cosmic wind, sailing to I know not where. No longer do I make decisions based on my opinions of what I need or what I should do. Instead, I'm learning to listen to what the shamanic traditions call "power," and what Irina Tweedie's Sufi guru* called "the Hint," and what is referred to in many religions as the "Will of God." I let myself be guided by signs and confirmations from the universe. These come at every level, internal and external. I've given up trying to direct the course of my life; now I let the water carry me. When I'm inadvertently fighting the current, I meet with constant obstruction and find myself struggling. When I stop trying to push the river, whatever is meant to be comes easily, effortlessly. This doesn't mean it's always to my liking, or guaranteed pleasant or painless. Even so, the less I insist on my own way and the more I accept what is given, the lighter my life becomes.
-- El Collie