The Tea Room

Dear Mystress, dear friends,

I wanted to share an experience that I had during my meditation with the Divine Beloved that was quite irritating. I must say that the meditations are quite wonderful as the meditation with the Divine Beloved is a quite fascinating way to open up my energy body and my heart through touch. My Divine Beloved also taught me the pleasurable benefit of anal stimulation which I never thought that I might find this so energizing as I have no inclination to gay sexuality. However I knew before that anal stimulation is an old and secret tantric technique to stimulate Kundalini. I also notice that I feel less dependent when it comes to women and that I am more relaxed when I am around women I find attractive. I had also some experiences where my Divine Beloved merged with me by taking my position and this was also a very blissfull experience. Two days ago however, something irritating happened. I was making love to my Divine Beloved when she suddenly gripped my throat with her hands and tore out my voice box with a grin. She was holding my voice box with her bloody hands right in front of my eyes and while she still kept grinning, the voice box changed into an oval egg of pure light which she inserted in the place where my voice box has been. In my inner eye, the egg changed into a voice box of pure light. I am not quite sure what that is supposed to mean. I am a teacher in adult education and I am trained in psychotherapy, coaching and rhetoric. I would not be surprised if it had something to do with my faculty of speech. Actually this is not the first experience I had with dismemberment. I had once participated in a weekend-workshop about alternative approaches to psychotherapy. During this weekend, the Harnerian method of shamanic travelling was taught and as I tried this method at home with a CD some days later, I had the experience of falling through the bottom of a cave into another cave where grotesque looking monsters where tearing of the flesh of my body and then I was somehow lifted up through the planes and while I was flying upwards, the flesh of my body was replaced with flesh that was made of light and as I arrived at the upper world, the sky seemed to open and a gigantic light fell on me and a voice introduced itself as “the primordial light”. The light told me to do another shamanic travelling where I then had my second encounter (apart from a lucid dream I had after a tantric initiation) with goddess who came down in a ray of light and had the upper body of a naked woman (a striking resemblance of Mystress I have to say) and the lower body of a snake. She spread her arms, grinned and said: “Don’t you know that I am your only true animal totem and don’t you know that I am all of this whole scenery that you experience? If you like to call yourself a shaman call yourself a shaman and if you like to call yourself a healer, call yourself a healer. I do not care much about that but there is one thing that you may never forget and that is that your are my child.” After these words, she flew up to the upper world in a stream of light. PS: I would never call myself a healer or shaman as these are what I call “vocational-paths”. You do not chose, you are chosen â€" everything else is ego-play.