Hey guys!
Obviously many fire-serpent-member share a common thing together at the moment and that is to surrender. At the moment I am also at a point where it is very difficult to surrender and I have to admit that I am angry at the goddess for giving me such a hard lesson. Let me share my story: About 5 weeks ago, I met a woman through the internet and we felt close immediately, thinking the same thoughts, coming online in the same moment, sending sms in the same moment - an almost telepathic relationship. It took me 4 weeks to convince her to see me. She had lost her fiance through a car accident about a year ago and had never thought to fall in love with another man again. It was completely cracy! We were already in love before we were able to see each other for the first time. When we finally met, it was as if we had known each other for years. It was so relaxed, so loving, so wonderful. We spent 2 wonderful days together - the best days of my life! Then suddenly, at the last evening of the weekend, she said that she had had a conversation with a priest she knew and that it has always been her wish to go abroad. The priest convinced her to go to Budapest (800 km away from me) in order to help to establish a German-Hungarian kindergarden there. She said it was her vocation and that she loved me and that I was her soulmate. She is leaving on the 30th of May and she does not want to see me again at the moment because she fears that she might not be able to leave because of her strong feelings for her. I am completely heartbroken. I tried everything from scheduling plans to see each other when she is abroad to thinking about following her but she just said that I should let go and see how things would develop for us and that I should learn to cherish the moments we had and that she is so happy to have found her soullove and that I am too attached to the physical body. Of course she is right, but my scorpio-nature wants to DO something to make the whole situation work. Oh guys, it is so tough to surrender sometimes, believe me.
Best wishes,
your Marco
Marco:
This infatuation is not real. Breathe. You are projecting your inner Divine Beloved onto this woman, that is where the magic and the attachment comes from, and it is also why she is being sent away from you.
Consider the qualities you admire about her that you do not believe you have within yourself. You do have them or you would not be able to see them in her! So reclaim that.
In my 20's I dated a lot, and the men I was with would start developing some ESP and I thought it must mean that we were soul mate forever lovers. The relationship would usually collapse under the weight of expectations within 3 months leaving me broken hearted, picking up the pieces... until the next Mr. Soulmate came along.
The last of them was an alcoholic musician, plagirist and chronic liar who thought staging suicide attempts was a hilarious prank. He conned investors out of thousands to write music, drank away the money and begged for more. His own mother was convinced he was a sociopath. When I figured all this out about him I was devastated and furious with myself. I'd kissed my last frog.
Finally I figured out that the men were becoming psychic just from being around me and it didn't really mean anything about the relationship, it was something about me that was doing it. I decided to skip the whole falling in love BS of giving myself away to these idiots. I stopped believing in soul mates. I got the idea that maybe the dream guy only existed within me, my own male side.
I made a deal with Goddess, that if Mr Right existed and there was destiny then I would not have to go looking. He would land on my doorstep and stick around and put up with the BS for as long as it took until I figured it out.
Then I started collecting slaves.
That's how it worked out, too. By then I had fallen in love with myself, my own Divine Beloved. Goddess brought druid and for a few years, She kept sending him around and dropping the big fat hints... including losing my home, my work and a good friend in a span of a few months. druid took me in for what was supposed to be a few weeks, but plans didnt work out and it turned into months. When I was ready to move out and get back to work, She handed me a back injury that kept me stuck in his apartment for a few more months... until finally I smelled the coffee and realized that he and I together was really working, better than any relationship I'd ever had. We moved into a rented house together in Dec 1997 and been happy together ever since.
The funny thing is, I love druid more than I could measure and I cannot imagine life without him, but I am not *in love* with him. None of that projection madness, I love him for himself.
That is how it really works, with Kundalini. Stop looking for love outside of yourself, give your whole focus to your Divine Beloved and the sacred marriage... and when that bond has become primary and absolute, she will bring you a companion.
blessings...
Dear Mystress!
I perfectly understand what you would like to tell me and I know that your are right for the most part. In my last relationship which did not last very long, I noticed that my girlfriend would turn psychic due to the contact with me. But this girl is a natural psychic and her abilities have not been triggered by me. Another story which I would share with you is the following: One night I dreamed about driving a car recklessly and not knowing where I was heading, suddenly I received a phone call. There was a male voice I did not know on the phone. The voice said: "I just wanted to call you up and tell you something. You told me about this girl, right? I just wanted to tell you that she is the right one." So I am a little unsure. I know this kind of karmic realtionships that never work out. I had these for the last 15 years. Then, some months ago I went to a friend who is a shamanic practitioner and he did a soul-retrieval for me telling me that I had lost my wife during one of my last lifes in a very tragic way. Therefore my soul had decided to never allow true love anymore. He said that I woul now attract women that are much better suited for me after he had brought these lost parts of my soul back. Actually it is quite painful what you said, because you are telling me that this relationship won't work which makes me very sad. Is this a fact or just your impression? When we talk on the phone my heart opens wide and I feel so much love coming from her. She is keeps telling me so wonderful things. I have never felt so loved. I do not want to loose this ;-(
Best wishes,
your Marco
Another thing I might add is also that this woman is really so lovable as I described her. She is a pre-school-teacher and does streetworking in her spare-time, mostly helping alcoholics and drug-addicts. I had difficult women as well ranging from an annorectic partner, nymphomanics, borderline-syndrom, pathological liars and so on. But this woman is different and I feel that she is of a very high spiritual level. I aggree with you that I have to work on my self-love, but I do think that might me even bring closer to her than farther apart as she is on a much higher level of compassion than I am but we'll see. Is it ok if I start with the exercise of the Divine Beloved right away to see for myself?
Best wishes,
your Marco
If it was as Goddess wills, there would not be this struggle. Obviously she would rather believe what the priest told her about her destiny, than be with you. Who is he to tell her what her path is? Why does she choose to believe in him and not your love? She is wary of love on the rebound and running away from you. Does not want to see you. Can the clue stick get any bigger, Marco?
Looking for love outside of yourself instead of inside doesn't work. Project your DB onto someone, of course you feel the love but it is only a reflection of the love inside of you, and in the meantime you are lost and disempowered.
As for the past life story.. if time and space does not exist and you are All that is, the whole idea of past lives just falls down. So you are giving power away to this "shamanic practicioner" because they tell you what you want to hear. Time to practice your discernment. Souls ARE love. They cannot make a choice to not love, only egos can do that.
Marco, don't ask me questions if you don't want to hear the answers ok? If you are just writing to release and don't want a response then say so.
Quote from: Marco on May 22, 2009, 07:55:39 AM
Is it ok if I start with the exercise of the Divine Beloved right away to see for myself?
No. If you have not established your grounding and discernment then you will just get a fantasy.
Thank you Mystress for your words. Of course you are right. She is not ready for being permanently together with me because she is not completely over her past. I hope that the time abroad will help her to find her way but that does not mean that there could not be a happy ending. She will work on her stuff and I will work on my own and we'll see. PS: The priest is a good friend of her and she had asked him many months before that she wanted to do this. It was just this evening that he made this proposal. I can understand her decision. Why stay because of a man I have only seen two times and give up a dream of a life-time?