[FST members] I am healthy and strong!

[Mystress Angelique Serpent]

   It has come to my attention lately (in the past few months from 
various sources) that somebody is spreading rumours that I am 
severely ill or on my deathbed or something.

   I really wish somebody would check the source before spreading 
rumours of my impending demise.  Its not true, I am still the 
healthiest person I know, physically, emotionally and mentally 
despite an interesting collection of vices and a pretty sedentary 
net-geek hermit lifestyle. I am doing great! Even my seasonal 
allergies are not bothering me this summer.  I have not had a cold or 
flu in over a decade, I'm even relatively invulnerable to food 
poisoning. Allergies are my weakness, and they are pretty common for 
someone sensitive enough to diagnose your karma to 9 decimal points 
from the other side of the planet. Sensitives are sensitive.

   The last time I can remember being really sick was about 4 years 
ago, solvent poisoning from mishandling the natural essential oils I 
used as fragrance for my soap making. Looked like flu but wasn't, 
just my body erupting from every orifice and drowning me in amrita 
nectar for a couple of weeks until the toxins were cleared. My heath 
is amazingly resilient because of Mighty Shakti!

   There is one thing going on with me, and it is not a new thing at 
all, just a new discovery. Two years ago an MRI to find out why I 
went deaf in my left ear four years ago, revealed an extremely slow 
growing, benign tumour in my head. Its been there all my life, I just 
didn't know.  I've had time to adapt to the hearing loss. I miss 
having perfect pitch, my singing voice isn't what it used to be. I 
cannot hear music in stereo. Not being able to locate the cordless 
phone by sound when it rings if I left it off the charger can be 
annoying but .... really, pffft... who cares? People deal with so much worse.

   Its not even an illness, it is a minor genetic defect probably 
caused by the fact of my mother being 39 years old when I was 
conceived. Goes along with the nearsightedness.  You are not supposed 
to have kids at that age because old genes just don't replicate 
without errors but she is catholic and I'm here enjoying life so I am 
not complaining.

   Its called an acoustic neuroma and is the most common cause of 
single sided deafness, though still a very rare condition. A tiny 
genetic quirk, the sheath on the balance nerve on the left side 
doesn't know when to stop growing, it has taken 45 years to grow to 
22mm, big enough to kill the hearing nerve which is what prompted the 
Doc to do an MRI and find it. It killed the balance nerve on that 
side in childhood and I'm really glad to finally know why I never get 
sea legs (or seasickness!)  when going sailing, cannot skateboard and 
why it took me a year to learn to ride a bicycle as a kid...  I've 
only got half a gyroscope.

It is nothing new, I have always had it, the only difference is now I 
know about it. Eventually there will be surgery to remove it. No rush 
for that. I'm waiting in line behind all the people who actually have 
serious problems and happy to let them go first.  It would take years 
for it to grow big enough to do any more damage and a few decades to 
become life threatening.

   I have had a lifetime to adapt to the balance disability without 
ever needing to know the cause. I started doing yoga spontaneously as 
a child, out of instinct. I knew something was out of whack with my 
balance and challenged it with various types of balance games to get 
better.  I have amazing balance so long as I am on a stable surface. 
Better than average, I can stand on one foot for half an hour, and 
used to walk around in 5" stiletto heels. All the usual symptoms of 
nausea and vertigo associated with inner ear disorders, were over 
before my age reached double digits. In fact, I am pleased the tumor 
was not discovered sooner because modern surgery methods are so much improved!

  It has been quite fascinating to me, to explore how I have adapted 
to this minor disability instinctively, now that I know the cause. 
The biggest surprise was how much of the adaptation was visual! I 
always thought I had a situational fear of heights, they only bother 
me if I can see the ground far below, between my feet, like on a fire 
escape grill. Kind of cool to discover its not a phobia, its a side 
effect of instinctive visual adaptation to compensate for a balance 
disorder. Wow~!

   Part of my purpose in posting this, besides putting rumours to 
rest,  is to declare a limit: I DO NOT WANT prayers, healing energy 
sent, spiritual genetic manipulation or anything like that. Leave it 
alone, Goddess has it handled. Goddess has provided an excellent, 
very experienced surgeon and Canadian health care means it wont cost 
me a thing except time. Yay!

     It is a little ironic that all the various types of intuitive 
healers I have known in my life, not one of them ever said "hey did 
you know you have this thing growing in your head...?" but western 
medicine actually showed me a picture of it! Amazing! So Science gets 
my vote as to who will deal. Spiritual Healers keep hands off!!

   To be fair to the intuitives, there was nothing to see because 
there is nothing wrong with me. The genes are doing what they are 
programmed to do, except there is a typo in the code. Always has 
been, all the way back to when I was only an egg. I'm not interested 
in trying to fix it.. genes are complicated, one codon does a lot of 
different jobs, for example being able to roll your tongue into an O 
is connected to being able to taste the quinine in tonic water, and 
who knows what all else? The genetic typo could be connected to my 
very unusual inborn Shaman abilities, in which case I totally agree 
with the soul decision to have things as they are.

   I have only one regret:  this type of hearing loss should have 
been very gradual, instead it was relatively sudden, and came about 
after my sending out a call for healing because of getting water 
behind my eardrum after doing neti-neti (salt water sinus rinse) in a 
jacuzzi tub. So instead of a minor condition that would have dried up 
on its own in six weeks, I got annoyed and yelled for help... and it 
looks like the healing that was sent actually caused a growth spurt 
in the tumour leading to permanent hearing disability. That does kinda suck...

   I mentioned this to my doc and he has encountered it before: 
people who try a natural macrobiotic acupuncture etc healing method 
for genetic tumours get worse, their tumours grow big fast. So please 
keep your prayers for yourself, thanks! I don't need them, I don't 
want them.  I have robust health and a beautiful life that is the 
envy of many.

   The surgery to remove the growth is pretty major, but extremely 
safe, very low risk. I have no fear, the only inconvenience is that 
some aspects of my life have been on hold as I wait to find out 
*when.*  I may only get a week's notice.  I have turned down dozens 
of invitations to travel and teach Kundalini workshops all over the 
world in the past few years, because planning such an event takes 
months and having to cauncel it for surgery would be stupid.

   No big.  Its not like I don't have plenty of other projects to 
occupy my time, with an enormous web empire, lists, students, forums, 
my lineage in training, and now Kundalini Mystic Isle, my sim in 
secondlife.com where I play with creating Kundalini temples, 
meditations and a shakti charged virtual world environment. Come 
visit! Its beautiful, we can sit by the campfire on the beach and 
watch the sun set over the endless sea. In secondlife I am named 
Mystress Weatherwax.  If you meet me there I might be human, or a 
crow, a fuzzy purple ball of light, or a toaster that day... all part 
of ongoing experiments on the psychological effects of identification 
with the avatar form. It started with noticing that my real feet 
would get tired if my pixel puppet avie stood for a long time, and 
strangers commenting on my avatar's energy... I was astonished to 
discover my virtual reality pixel puppet self has a shakti field!  It 
sorta grew from there.

   I took a camera with me to the neurosurgeon and took pics of the 
MRI results on the monitor because I find it fascinating.  How many 
people get to contemplate the wrinkles of their own brain in 
black&white? Cool!!

   Wanna see? I posted one of the pics on facebook, sort of a 
cathartic art expression. The caption says "this is my tumour, isn't 
it pretty? I grew it myself." Kind of a clue that its interesting but 
not serious.  That photo could be the source of rumours except the 
associated thread explains how minor it is... and you would think 
somebody would get all the facts straight before going all chicken 
little about my health?

    Makes me wonder about motive for these rumours... The people who 
really care about me, heard the rumour and contacted me right away to 
find out how I am. I am fine!!  Others just spread the rumour, like 
it gives them some kind of secret glee or validation to hear lies of 
my misfortune.  WTF??

    Yes, I am beautiful, talented, witty, charismatic, insightful, 
robustly healthy and a genius... and modest LMAO!! So, deal!

   like the famous quote from "a course in miracles:"
    We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented 
and fabulous?"
"Actually who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people 
won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people 
permission to do the same."

   yeah, and the quote doesn't mention that the insecure people will 
not be inspired, they will hate you for your brilliance with a green 
eyed monster of envy carrying pitchforks, tell stories about your 
defects to comfort themselves and take secret satisfaction from false 
rumours of misfortune.  The Japanese say "The nail that sticks up, 
gets hammered down." Hmm.. Less inspiring but more realistic of human nature.

   I don't understand envy, or jealousy. If I am scratching my head 
wondering about someone's odd hostile behavior it usually takes 
someone else to tell me "they are jealous of you duh!!"  I don't 
expect it, understand it or look for it because I am just me, ya 
know? Everyone is beautiful, Divine manifestations of love.

   I spent four days last week, sailing in the Gulf Islands on my 
husband's 28' boat, eating crab fresh caught from the sea and 
savouring the incredible beauty of the BC coast. Last night a friend 
came by and spent hours giving me a full body massage, for free. I'm 
looking out my home office window as I write this, view of 
rainforest, giant cedar trees and the North shore mountains, a tiny 
peek of the mighty fraser river between my neighbor's trees, only 1/2 
mile away and blowing chi up the hill.  When I talk like this, 
counting my blessings people think I'm boasting. I am not. The medium 
is the message; surrender to Goddess within, and She will make your 
life more beautiful than anything you could imagine or create for yourself.

   Please forward this post, unedited wherever you may encounter 
these rumours that I am suffering some kind of terrible sickness. I'd 
really like to put them to rest. Thank you! Blessings...



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http://kundalini-teacher.com
http://fire-serpent.com
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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